


I, Tony

by camichats



Category: Marvel
Genre: Androids, Angst, Avengers Family, Body Horror, Canonical Character Death, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Identity Reveal - Freeform, Love Confessions, M/M, Not Really Character Death, Tony Stark Is An Android
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2020-01-05 00:14:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18354644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/camichats/pseuds/camichats
Summary: It was a secret from everyone that Tony was android. Including Tony. When he finally finds out, Howard is long since dead, he doesn't know what that stone inside him is, and he's pretty sure he won't be able to hold a relationship like this.(Bingos: Tony Stark: A3-Free Square, Winteriron: O5-Identity Reveal. (Body horror is non-explicit))





	1. Chapter 1

Howard was perfectly happy with his life, given the circumstances. He was looking for Steve as best he could-- as best  _ anyone _ could-- he was building up Stark Industries with Obie and it was actually going places, and he'd found Maria, a potential partner who knew exactly where she would stand with him and didn't mind. He couldn't produce children, he knew that much, but medical science had come a long way since he received that diagnosis, and Maria had admitted that she was open to the idea. That was his best hope for a kid, and that was the one he told people about. 

In private though... well. Robots were certainly possible, but what about androids? He'd built a few robots in his time, but to avoid suspicion he hadn't kept them around for very long before they 'broke down'. This was the future, he could practically taste it, but it was also dangerous. He couldn't leave traces for anyone to find. 

* * *

He and Maria got married, and it was great. She worked the societal side, and pat his arm fondly at parties and called him eccentric. It worked, and he was able to focus on the company and finding Steve. He found the cube one day, and he brought it to a remote lab to do a few tests, remembering what that miniscule speck had done when pressed between those pincers. Hydra had been using it for weapons, but surely something from the cosmos had a power beyond destruction. 

He tucked it away there for a while, doing noninvasive tests just to get an idea of what it could do. 

It hit him all at once, what it was capable of, when he was looking over the information they'd gathered and Maria mentioned that the other ladies were wondering when she would be having a child. "I covered, of course," she said. "Acted all scandalized that they would ask something so personal. They'll think I have a condition now, but if it gets out that we had to use a doctor, this will only support that. Give some backing to it, or whatever you want to call it," she said, waving a hand dismissively as she rubbed at feet sore from being in tight heels all day. "How's your day been?" 

"Uhh." Howard's mind blanked as the information all slotted into place. "Good. Obie's been asking when I plan on running the company instead of hiding in R&D, but you know how he is." He grabbed a pen, scribbling furiously in the margins, on the back of the paper, anywhere he could fit it, needing to get it down before it left his mind entirely and he spent months trying to grasp at what he'd lost. 

"Everything alright?" she asked, raising an eyebrow at the way he tore through the paper. 

"Fine," he said distractedly. 

"Yes, you look fine," Maria said drily. "I'll just make some coffee then, shall I?" 

He gave a hum to make it seem like he'd been listening, but she knew full well that he hadn't been. 

Two cups of coffee later, he had to call it done for the day because he'd done all he could from home and the facility was one hundred percent shut down at this time of night, no exceptions unless in extreme emergency. And, much as he hated to admit it, this did not constitute an emergency. Trying to push it would put his project under a microscope, and he couldn't do that. Not if he wanted to keep himself, Maria, and their possible child safe. 

He gathered up the papers and locked them in the safe, where they sat until his next scheduled visit to the facility. He hated that he had to wait, but it was necessary if he didn't want Obie to look too closely. It's not that he didn't trust the man, but the less people that knew about this, the easier it would be to keep it a secret. He wouldn't tell Maria at all if it wasn't necessary for her to know, but it was, so he'd have to do it. 

He shook his head. He was getting ahead of himself. There wasn't any guarantee that this was going to work, he didn't need to think about all the people he'd be lying to. 

* * *

Tony, as an idea, came into the world slowly. Tony the physical being, came all at once, screaming his head off like any newborn baby would. His cheeks were red with the exertion, and Howard loved him for it. He'd worried that Tony would be perfect, but he wouldn't know how to treat him like a son instead of an invention. But standing there, looking as Maria held him tight to her chest in comfort, he knew that he hadn't loved someone this much since Steve. 

With that came the fear that Obie had warned him about. What if something happened to Tony? He was minutes old, but already Howard was terrified that something could hurt him, could take his shining boy from him forever. 

He leaned down to kiss the top of Tony's head. "I'll make the world safe for you," he promised the feather light hair. Howard had done it. He'd created the most amazing thing he ever would, so it was now his responsibility to keep him safe. The government would get the weapons they had been clamoring for, and Tony would get a safe and happy world to grow up in. 

No one would know the truth about him except for Howard and Maria. Maybe... maybe one day they'd tell Tony, but kids couldn't keep secrets no matter how much they thought they could. Tony wouldn't be able to tell something was different about himself compared to everyone else, so why would he bother him about it? 

* * *

Tony was even better than Howard had hoped, and he pushed him harder, knowing that Tony could achieve more if he only tried. He was so emotional sometimes, that Howard wondered if it wasn't counterproductive. Telling Tony the truth about how he was created would only upset him, and who knew how long it would take for him to recover from that-- if he ever did. No, Howard wouldn't tell him until he thought Tony could handle it. 

Howard and Maria died in a car crash, and then no one knew about Tony, including the man himself.


	2. Chapter 2

Tony finished up a repair to his body, wondering, not for the first time, if Howard had meant for him to live this long, or if the arc reactor and being Iron Man was putting him through more stress and damage than he was meant to take. Getting out of hospitalizations and medic tents was no easy task these days, what with Bucky hovering around worriedly. 

That wasn't fair; he  _ loved _ Bucky's hovering. It made him happy that Bucky cared about him, but it undoubtedly made it harder to sneak away from first aid when he needed to. Not to mention that every time he was reminded of the fact that he wasn't human, it further cemented the belief that he couldn't be with Bucky. Not as a partner or lover in the way he craved. But what was a craving to him anyways? Just a signal fired from one of his circuits to tell him something he should be believing. Hell, for all he knew, Howard had programmed him to care about the Howling Commandos and that's all this was. He didn't dare voice any of this aloud, not wanting to hurt Jarvis's feelings. Jarvis was more human than him, most days. 

"You should tell them, sir," he said quietly as Tony fixed his elbow back into place. 

"Why? So they can figure out that the Iron Man  _ is _ made of iron? No thanks." 

"You're as human as the rest of them sir," he said, just as soft as before, not raising his voice to match the angry tone in Tony's. "You should trust them." 

"Your opinion has been noted," he said tightly, and Jarvis let the topic drop. 

Okay maybe he wasn't hiding things as well as he thought. But he  _ made _ Jarvis, it was no wonder he couldn't keep secrets from him when he was wired into every facet of Tony's life, short of being wired into Tony directly-- not that he hadn't thought about it once or twice. He went to the mirror and checked himself over, making sure there was nothing incriminating showing. "J, you see anything?" he asked, just to double check. 

"No sir, you're clean as any human." 

Tony snorted. There was dirt and grime covering his face, which had surely not escaped Jarvis's notice. "Thanks J, you're a real pal." 

"Stating the obvious sir, but thank you." 

Tony gave himself another once over, then headed up to the common room. He was hungry, something he hadn't been able to get rid of since discovering his android status unfortunately. He also hadn't been able to get rid of needing to sleep or go to the bathroom. As far as Tony could tell, there were zero perks to this since he could still feel pain, even if that had turned a little wonky these days. 

"Hey Tony," Bucky said immediately, perking up when he walked into the room. "I saved you some food." He held aloft two to-go cartons of the Chinese food they'd ordered. 

"You didn't have to do that," Tony said, even as he took them gratefully and settled into the empty chair next to Bucky. It was strange that that seat was empty given its coveted position in the kitchen. 

"Nonsense," Thor said from the opposite side of the table, eating ice cream straight from the gallon container it came in. "Had he not saved it for you, you would have nothing to eat." 

"And he wasn't shy with a knife to do it," Clint muttered. He held up his hands in surrender when Bucky glared at him. 

Tony snorted, trying to ignore the lance of pain going through his heart. It was funny, the way they joked around like Bucky had a crush on him, but it always hurt because they thought it was just fun. They wouldn't do it if they knew how much Tony ached for it to be real; he had to believe that. 

"Don't you have somewhere you need to be?" Bucky said, pointedly raising an eyebrow. 

"Come to think of it, we do," Steve said hurriedly. He all-but picked Clint out of his chair to get him standing, and Natasha joined them as they sauntered off to their room. Tony didn't know what they were planning on doing-- if anything-- but he didn't want to think about it. That one time he'd walked in on them was bad enough to last him a lifetime, thanks. 

"Thor, take your ice cream to your room and go call Jane," Bucky ordered. 

Thor got to his feet without question, shuffling off as he searched for his phone. The rest of the team hadn't been in the kitchen when Tony came up, so now it was just him and Bucky for some unknown reason. "Everything okay? You know if you need help with the arm or something you can just ask, you don't have to run everyone else off." 

"I know, it's not about that." 

Bucky didn't look like he was about to elaborate, so Tony decided to prompt him. "Okay then what is it?" He still didn't answer, nervously twisting his hands together. "Are you hurt?" 

"No." 

Tony took a bite from his egg roll. "Do we have soy sauce?" 

Bucky pushed a little plastic container towards him. 

"Thanks." He dipped it in, then took another bite. Ah, much better. "Is this something that would make Steve think he has to take you off the active duty roster?" 

"No," he said with a bit of a laugh. 

"Doesn't sound so serious then," Tony shrugged. 

"I love you," Bucky blurted, and Tony froze with the end of his egg roll sitting in the soy sauce. "And uh- everyone thought I should say something because they all think you feel the same. I told them it was stupid, but Steve made me promise." 

Tony carefully retracted his egg roll from the soy sauce but didn't eat it, leaving him pinching food between his fingers and looking incredibly silly during a very serious moment. 

"Um," Bucky licked his lips nervously, "I don't suppose you want to say something to that? Anything?" He looked hopeful despite his assertion that this was stupid. 

"I..." Tony was torn. He wanted to plop himself in Bucky's lap and kiss him senseless and take him to bed and wake up next to him in the morning and have him again-- that would be a dream come true. But he knew that secrets came out eventually, and what would Bucky think of him when it came to light? He could pretend that he didn't know, but none of them would believe that. 

The hope in Bucky's eyes was starting to fade, being replaced with embarrassment and shame. "Right." He gave a nervous chuckle. "I told them it was stupid, but they didn't listen. Don't worry about it." He got to his feet and started piling up the empty cartons. 

Tony was frozen in place, that stupid egg roll still in his hand as Bucky cleaned up the kitchen, putting the take-out containers in the trash and loading the silverware into the dishwasher. It was only when he started to leave the room that Tony was jolted into action. "Wait!" He scrambled to his feet, dropping the egg roll on the floor and accidentally kicking it to the counter as he tried to go to Bucky's side. 

He paused, catching Tony as he tripped over his own feet in his hurry to get to him. 

"You can't just- you don't get to spring that on me and then leave!" 

"I gave you a chance to answer," Bucky pointed out in a small voice. 

"Okay but I thought I didn't stand half a chance with you, and then you kicked everyone out of the kitchen at dinner to tell me. And I know that I'm not one to pass judgement on serious conversations, but you should have asked me on a date instead of blurting out that you're in love with me because that's a lot harder to swallow." 

Bucky made a face as if to say 'that's fair'. "It wouldn't make a difference. Answer's the same no matter how I present it." 

"Uh no, it  _ definitely _ would have made a difference. Why didn't you say anything before?" 

Bucky sighed, rubbing at the back of his neck. "Come on Tony, you know what you're like." Before Tony could read into what  _ that _ was supposed to mean, Bucky continued, "You're amazing, you could have anyone, and you're not exactly shy about getting what you want. I figured that if you wanted to be with me, you would have said something. And," he shook off Tony's touch on his arm and took half a step away, "it's not like I was wrong." 

"Yeah except you were." 

Bucky tentatively looked over at him. "What?" 

Tony bundled up his apprehension, all the reasons he had for why this was a bad idea, and threw it out the figurative window. Then he put a hand on the back of Bucky's neck, got on his tiptoes, and kissed him. Tony had dreamed about what their first kiss would be like, and at no moment had he imagined it would be as bad as this. It wasn't Bucky's fault, since he wasn't kissing back, frozen in surprise. "This would work a lot better if you'd participate," Tony murmured, and then he squeaked a little as Bucky pulled him close with a quick jerk of his arm, pressing their mouths together again and- yes  _ this _ was more like what Tony had been imagining. 

He moaned a little, and he would have been embarrassed except Bucky echoed the sound, curving his other arm around to cup the back of Tony's head. 

Tony was pretty sure, if he was sensible, that this would be the part where he suggested they go on a date the next day. But he wasn't sensible, and he had been pining after Bucky for god knows how long, so instead he said, "Want to come to my room? It's a little more private." 

"God yes," Bucky breathed. 

* * *

Tony woke up before Bucky did, which he blamed on his incessant need to pee. He threw off the covers and peeled himself away from Bucky-- which was no easy task because he was awfully comfy for someone not made of memory foam-- then limped to the bathroom. He relieved himself then decided to brush his teeth while he was up. 

He ambled back to his room, then took a minute to stare. Bucky was unfairly gorgeous, and it sure as hell didn't hurt to know that his sex tousled look was directly because of Tony. He didn't have any marks from the night before, but that was no surprise-- the hickies Tony left on his neck had been healed by the time they cleaned up and settled in to sleep. Tony only got to look for a minute before Bucky stirred, blinking his eyes blearily. His arm flexed, looking for Tony on the bed. When he found him to be missing, he looked around, starting to prop himself up on one elbow when he paused, seeing Tony standing there watching him. "You okay?" he asked, voice rough and scratchy. He coughed and rubbed at his eye with his free hand, looking at Tony with a touch of concern. 

"Just admiring the view," Tony said airily, padding over. Instead of crawling back into bed, he got on top of the covers, straddling Bucky and smoothing his hands over Bucky chest. "Makes me wish I'd said something sooner." 

"Hm? I remember it being  _ me _ saying something to you." 

"After Steve bullied you into it." 

"He was right though." Bucky leaned up, stealing a quick kiss before going back to rest on his arm. "You do like me." 

"Course I do, what's not to like." 

"What are we arguing about?" 

"Nothing important," Tony said, leaning down to kiss him again. 

"Mm." He kissed Tony's cheek then down his neck. "It's too early for banter, get back in bed." 

"I'm already in bed." 

"Liar," Bucky said fondly, which wasn't exactly fair. He  _ was _ in the bed, just not properly. He was pretty sure he would win this case in court, but then Bucky said, "Fine," and laid back down, pulling Tony with him so that Tony was laying on top of him. "Feel comfortable enough to sleep?" 

Tony huffed theatrically. "Fine, you've made your point, I'll get under the covers." He did so, grumbling all the while. It wasn't so wrong for him to try and get a little action out of his midnight trip to the bathroom was it? And he held that he wasn't responsible because anyone that could walk by Bucky when he was naked and so obviously pleased clearly couldn't be trusted if their judgement was going to be that skewed. 

Bucky was nice and warm and Tony's spot hadn't cooled off from when he'd left it, so it was easy as anything to fall back asleep. 

When he woke up the second time, it was to warm kisses on his neck and a fit body curled around his. "Morning doll." 

Tony couldn't help but make a face at the petname. He appreciated the idea-- he really did-- it was just a poor choice to have that one in particular. 

Bucky, of course, noticed. "Not good?" 

"Not that one. Feel free to try others." 

"Is babydoll out too?" 

"I dunno, try it." 

He nuzzled the back of Tony's neck. "Morning babydoll." Tony didn't mind, but he felt Bucky wrinkle his nose. "Yeah that one's out. I think I'll stick to your name for now." 

Tony yawned, snuggling back against Bucky. "Sounds good to me. Don't be afraid to experiment though, I don't mind." 

"Mm, I'll keep that in mind." He trailed a hand down Tony's stomach, resting low on his abdomen and waiting for permission to go further. It was a sweet gesture, so Tony did what he did best: made it irreverent. 

"Don't be a fucking tease," he said, grabbing Bucky's wrist and shoving his hand down to touch so he was touching his dick. "Much better." He rolled his hips, and Bucky laughed, rolling them around so he was hovering over Tony. 

"Hey gorgeous." 

"See? That's a great petname, let's stick with that," Tony said breathlessly. 

"Whatever you say Tony." 

They didn't get much further than that unfortunately because the Avengers alarm decided to pick that time to go off. Tony groaned-- and not because he was feeling happy with something in particular Bucky was doing-- dropping his head back. "Any chance we can just pretend this isn't happening and stay in bed for the rest of the day?" 

Bucky chuckled, giving him one last kiss before getting off the bed. "I have to go to my room for my uniform, I'll see you on the quinjet." He pulled on his pants from the day before and did them up, not bothering with underwear or his shirt since this was an emergency, and it's not like anyone that saw him would be mortally offended at seeing him bare chested since everyone on the team had seen everyone else naked at one time or another. 

Tony stared at the door for only a moment in wistfulness before he got to his feet and pulled on a fresh pair of boxer-briefs. He headed down to the workshop in the elevator that connected it to his room and suited up. If Howard had really been thinking ahead, he would have made it a hell of a lot easier for Tony to integrate new technology and upgrades. It would have been the coolest shit ever if he could just get the suit to materialize around him, but noooo Howard had to close him off. He was an android, and he didn't even get to make personal updates. 

Tony flew to the quinjet, among the first to show up since it was so easy for him to suit up. With the armor, no one had any hint to what had happened the night before or what had been interrupted this morning by the call. Bucky didn't have the same luxury, so Sam and Clint were teasing him mercilessly when they all showed up at the platform together. 

"Everyone check in," Steve said in his Captain America voice. 

"Iron Man," Tony said promptly. Everyone else signed on, some people sounding more amused than others. 

"Alright Avengers, on the jet. Hawkeye, Widow, take the pilot seats." They all filed on, and Bucky caught Tony's eye-- well, mask-- and rolled his eyes with a grin. "Someone in Central Park, destroying trees and attacking anyone that gets too close. Hasn't given a name yet, just the usual villain speech about taking over the world and how we should surrender. He hasn't seriously injured anyone so far, so we're going to try and talk him down first." 

"Yeah cause that always goes so well," Clint muttered from the pilot's seat. 

"That's what we're doing Hawkeye. So," Steve said, smiling mischievously and turning to Bucky and Tony who were standing next to each other, "I take it things went well last night?" 

"For fuck's sake Steve," Bucky groaned. "Shouldn't we be focused on the mission?" 

"I dunno this could effect team dynamics." 

"You can say 'I told you so' later, punk." 

"That wouldn't be near satisfying enough. I need to say it at least four times to make up for the bullshit pining you made me listen to." 

" _ Steve _ \--" 

"I think it's cute," Tony said with a smile. No one could see it, but Bucky might be able to hear it even through the voice filter. "Y'know Cap, if you want someone to bitch with, call Rhodey up. He's had to deal with my pining for years, he'll be more than happy to have someone to complain with." 

"I'll do that." 

Bucky was giving him a strange look, so he asked, "What?" 

"You were pining after me?" 

"I thought that was pretty clear." 

"It wasn't." 

"Bleh," Sam said, interrupting the admittedly sappy moment they'd been having. "Are we going to have to deal with this all the time now?" 

"Yes," Tony and Bucky said at the same time. 

"Can't we call a ban during missions or something?" Clint asked. 

"It's unlikely that that would work," Thor said, and Steve nodded. 

"We don't enforce the superhero aliases only rule, so there's no reason why they'd have to listen to this one." That wasn't so much Steve agreeing as he trying to convince everyone to switch to superhero aliases during missions, but it was a fair point all the same. 

"Coming up on the target," Natasha said. 

Steve pulled his cowl into place, and just like that the conversation was put on hold. "Bruce, Thor, stay on the quinjet, we'll call you if we need you. Iron Man, find Hawkeye a nest. Falcon, give us a view on civilians. Widow, Winter, you're with me, we're going to try and talk some sense into him. Iron Man when you're done with Hawkeye, join Falcon on standby." 

The quinjet touched down, and they all went their separate ways, Thor cheerfully waving goodbye to them as he squished Bruce to his side in a hug. 

It should have been a routine fight. After all, if the guy wasn't hurting anyone, the chances were all he needed was a little ego stroking and to be put somewhere he'd be able to use his skills and divert his attention to something more harmless. 

That wasn't what happened. 

He must have had a grudge against superheroes or maybe the Avengers personally because as soon as they showed up he pulled out the big guns. Literally. That thing must have been as big as he was, and fuck knows where he was hiding it because it appeared as if from nowhere, ready to go. 

Then again, maybe it was Iron Man he had a problem with, because he only fired the big shot once, straight at Iron Man when he'd had ample time and opportunity to use it on Natasha, Steve, and Bucky. Not Sam because he was a little too agile and far away for it to be a clear shot, thank god. The villain-- Tony should really figure out his name if he was the sort of villain he was proving himself to be-- managed to push all of them away at the same time Tony was swooping down. The burst of what seemed like pure energy hit Tony straight in the side, dissolving most of the armor, and vaporizing Tony's right arm, leg, and a good chunk of his torso and face. 

" _ Tony! _ " 

What was left of his body and the suit flew away from where he'd been hovering and hit the ground, dozens of yards away and out of sight from everyone else under the cover of trees that hadn't been obliterated yet. He couldn't so much as twitch the fingers that he still had. He couldn't breathe, and that was weird because his mind was still working even if there was a distinct lack of panic. Shouldn't he be panicking?

" _ Tony! _ " 

There wasn't any pain, and that was weird too, if a welcome deviation from the norm. He tried to tell them that he was okay-- somehow, he didn't know how, but he was-- but it was impossible for him to do it. Maybe it was part of the fact that he couldn't breathe. He tried to wiggle his toes, but that was as impossible as talking was at the moment. He couldn't lift his head to check if he even had toes. He tried to look down, but that was a no go. Now that he thought about it, could he move any part of himself? The answer was a resounding no. He... was pretty sure that he still had a body, or at least pieces of one. 

He was aware of parts of himself, mostly the arc reactor, still whirring in his chest, covering up the blue stone that made him function as surely as the arc reactor itself did. He was pretty sure he only had one eye right now, which was a bummer, not to mention that he couldn't use the one still attached at  _ all _ . It wouldn't turn the direction he wanted to look no matter how hard he tried, and he stopped after a minute, listening to the rest of the fight. 

Steve must have decided to not hold back because it was hardly no time at all before the villain-- Tony should  _ really _ learn his name what with the attempted murder and all-- was in cuffs and being detained by Shield agents that had shown up to collect him. There was no way the team was being silent through all this, but Tony couldn't hear them through his comms-- a victim of the blast, no doubt. Green was a good color, Tony learned after staring up at the leaves above him. He preferred the blue of the sky to be perfectly honest, but that might be because it reminded him of Bucky's eyes. They weren't anywhere close to the same shade, but any time he wore blue it made his eyes stand out, and Tony was a fan of that. 

"Tony?" 

"Shellhead?" 

"Iron Man?" 

"Tony?" The various Avengers were calling his name, and they sounded worried but not devastated. Huh. They must have seen him get hit, but not seen what had happened afterwards. He knew he was alive in some sense of the word, but he kinda doubted that he looked that way. Oh great  _ now _ he was panicking. What if they buried him and he was stuck in a coffin for the rest of his life? He didn't even know how long his lifespan was, it's not like there were other androids to compare himself to, nor a manual for him to read about how this was supposed to go.  _ God _ they were going to bury him and he wouldn't be able to lift a finger to save himself. 

"Tony?" Natasha. She breathed something in Russian, clearly a curse, then ran up to his side. Her face hovered above his, and her face contorted at the lack of life she found there. It's not like Tony could look at her or show recognition after all. "I- I... found him," she stuttered out hesitantly. "Bucky, go home." Her face hardened at whatever he said in reply. "Bucky, you don't want to see this. Go back to the tower and--" 

"Shit," Steve gasped. "Bucky go back to the quinjet right now, that's an order." A pause. "Damn it Bucky this isn't up for debate,  _ go to the quinjet _ ."

"Someone needs to call Rhodes," Natasha said, blinking away tears. "He's his medical proxy, he- he should be able to handle arrangements. And Pepper, we should-" 

"Nat," Steve said, cutting her off gently. She leaned out of Tony's view, and now all he had was that tree, the sky, and their voices. "Go to the quinjet, I'll take care of this." 

Tony couldn't see it, but he knew she was shaking her head. "You don't have to do this alone, Steve." There was a rustle as she got to her feet, and Tony could see her again. "You can handle Bucky, and I'll tell everyone else." 

"Tell Bucky what?" he asked, voice coming from the direction Natasha and Steve were resting, blocking his mangled body from view. 

Nat whirled around, walking towards him hurriedly. "Bucky, turn around, you don't need to see this." 

"See what? What are you-  _ Tony? _ " he said, strangled. There was the sound of him retching, and Steve left Tony's side as well. 

Tony's heart cried out, yearning to comfort Bucky but unable to do a  _ damn thing _ . 

Steve had to drag Bucky away-- not that it was hard with him being a sobbing, screaming mess-- and Natasha stayed with him. She didn't say anything as she watched over him, unable to keep her eyes from him for too long before they shot back. She paused when someone, after a long wait, said something to her through her comm unit. "Roger that," she said, hand going to the piece in her ear automatically. She stepped back from his body, clearly awaiting someone to retrieve him. 

Tony didn't want to be taken away by random Shield agents; he didn't want to be taken away at all. It was something of a relief then, to see that Thor was with them, supervising. Carefully, they lifted him on a stretcher, and Tony didn't care for that shit at all. 

"Natasha," Thor said, laying a heavy hand on her shoulder, "go get some rest. I will look after him." 

Nat wiped at her eyes. "Okay. Thanks Thor." She made an aborted step to leave, then turned around in a whirl, hugging Thor tightly. "Thank you," she said again, softer this time. 

He nodded, patting her back, and then she left. 

They started wheeling him off, Thor firmly at his side. It was around this time that Tony  _ really _ wished he had told Rhodey about the android thing because maybe then he'd think to check the stone for a kick start, or whatever it is the thing needed for Tony to be alive again. 

He was put in the back of an ambulance, but there was no rush since-- as far as everyone else knew-- there was zero chance of him being alive. In a way that was fair, since taking their time going the speed limit wasn't going to put him in a better or worse situation than he already found himself in. Tony was rapidly becoming convinced about the existence of a higher power because this was definitely a level of hell, and if there was a hell then the opposite also existed, and he was a little disappointed that he didn't even get a peek at the good place. He was pretty sure his stint as Iron Man earned him at least a glance of happily ever after, so this wasn't very nice of the universe to do this to him. Although... he technically wasn't human, so maybe this is just how androids had to exist when their bodies failed them. 

In short, Tony was not a happy person, and there was not a single person in the universe that could blame him for it. 

* * *

Rhodey was an angel, Tony was sure of it. He stopped them from cutting up his body-- autopsies really were the  _ worst _ idea, who came up with that?-- and said that he wanted to identify him in person before they officially declared him dead. 

"I don't know what good he thinks that's going to do," Steve said, voice raw from pain and how much he'd been talking. Normally Tony would have given him grief for talking to a corpse like the person that used to inhabit it could hear him, but since he was talking to Tony and he could in fact hear him, he was willing to let it slide this time. He also couldn't say anything at the moment, but that was barely worth mentioning. "We saw you get hit, we saw you go down, I can see you here, now, it's--" he stopped, rubbing harshly at his face like that would get him to stop crying. "I hate it because it makes me think maybe we're wrong. Maybe you really are alive out there somewhere and this is an LMD or something. I guess James would be the one to know though. Jarvis likes him. He hasn't said anything to us, and I'd like to think that he trusts us enough to tell us the truth in a situation like this." 

Jarvis wasn't allowed to tell the Avengers about Tony's android/humanoid status under any circumstances, Tony had made sure of that. Rhodey though... he wasn't considered an Avenger, which was surely the loophole Jarvis planned on using. Either that or he trusted Rhodey more than anyone besides Tony, what with him basically being a second parent to DUM-E and all. 

"God what else," Steve mused, leaning back in his seat and staring at the bright lights of the morgue so long his eyes hurt. "Bucky's a mess, but you probably knew that already. I don't think he's stopped crying since he saw you in the park.I'm gonna be real honest with you Tony, I wish you hadn't gotten together last night." He swallowed. "If you hadn't, then... It's not like he'd be dealing with it  _ better _ , but at least he wouldn't have to deal with having you and then losing you so quickly. He'd still be a mess, but I think eventually he'd be okay. Now I'm not so sure.

"Thor blames himself for not being in the fight." Steve snorted. "Don't know why when I'm the one that ordered him to stay on the quinjet. And you know why I did it? Because I knew Bruce got nervous being there all by himself, and I thought that Thor could keep him company. Keep him company," he repeated. "You died because I wanted Bruce to have a buddy in the quinjet." He shook his head, then fell silent and crossed his arms over his chest, apparently done talking. He was still in uniform, minus the cowl. Even when Tony had seen him with a gash in his side and face paling because of blood loss, he hadn't looked as bad as he did now. It wasn't often that Steve could cry enough to make it visible on his face because his healing factor took care of the usual discoloration, but it was blatantly obvious now, snot and tears too abundant to be wiped off with the tissues Steve had on hand, and his eyes and nose reddened. 

It was cliche for a near death experience-- or whatever this was-- to make Tony reevaluate the way he'd been going about his day-to-day life, but here he was, thinking about it. He had way too many issues to be as honest as Steve currently was, secure as he was in his knowledge that Tony couldn't actually hear him. Mostly he was thinking about the android thing. He probably should have told the team about that after he came to terms with it, but he didn't. Why? Because of some weird fear that they'd treat him different. It's not like he  _ was _ different though, and considering all the other bullshit they had to deal with on a daily basis, they probably wouldn't have cared. 

Bucky... okay, Bucky probably would have cared, what with his issues about being a cyborg because of his arm and all, but that was better than what was going on now.

If he hadn't been so self-absorbed, he could have told them and avoided most of this. He hesitated to say 'all' because he was completely unresponsive. Even if they got his mind working again, what would they do about his body? It clearly wasn't in working condition anymore, and it's not like any of them knew how to make him a replacement. 

It was a good thing Steve couldn't stand the silence for long because it kept Tony- well entertained wasn't the right word, but it kept him from being bored and thinking too much about what might happen. Even with Rhodey flying over, they might decide to put him in the cooler, and Tony wasn't sure he could handle that. 

So while it was a good thing that Steve was keeping him from a deafening silence, it was an even better thing that the Avengers were paranoid about something happening to the arc reactor and as such were keeping a close eye on it-- and by extension him. 

Steve was switched out for Clint, and Clint stared at his body for long moments as if trying to convince himself that it was real, but he didn't talk much. He left far sooner than Steve had, and in his place was Thor. Tony'd had no idea that Thor sang, but he learned, very quickly, that Thor did. Quite well, too. None of them sounded particularly happy, but that was fair considering they were in a morgue and Thor was under the fair impression that he was dead. He didn't talk to Tony the way Steve had, but Tony was pretty sure he preferred it this way. 

Rhodey showed up during one of Thor's songs, but he didn't interrupt, walking to the slab he was on. He was a blank slate, and Tony knew that it took half the flight here for him to get that mask in place. 

Thor trailed off-- maybe it was the end of the song, maybe it wasn't, Tony didn't know. He walked up to Rhodey and clapped him on the shoulder before taking his leave. 

"You had better not be dead Tony," Rhodey said, his voice low. "You had better be alive, because you promised me, and you don't break your promises to me." The first thing he did was feel at Tony's neck for a pulse. There wasn't one, obviously, but Tony appreciated him checking all the same. He cleared his throat and straightened up again, grabbing his phone. "Okay Jarvis," he said, setting his phone on an empty spot on the slab, "what am I looking for?" 

"How does he look?" Jarvis asked hesitantly. 

Rhodey swallowed. "Not too good buddy. But the arc reactor's still going, so I was thinking maybe...?" 

There was a noticeable pause, and Rhodey frowned at his phone, about to grab it and make sure they were still connected when Jarvis spoke again. "Are you alone?" 

He double-checked. "Yes, why?" 

"Sir ensured that I couldn't tell the Avengers about his status. He isn't entirely human." 

He frowned. "What do you mean he's not human? I've known him practically my whole life, Jarvis; I'd notice if he was Asgardian or something." 

"Not Asgardian," Jarvis corrected. "And sir couldn't tell you what he didn't know. If you would? Behind the arc reactor is another stone, unknown in origin, but keeping sir alive. If you remove the arc reactor for a moment, you should be able to see it." Incidentally that was how Tony had found out about it in the first place, and Jarvis had seen it when Tony did an upgrade to the arc reactor once. 

It was on the tip of Rhodey's tongue to ask if Jarvis was sure, but he wouldn't have phrased it that way if he had doubts. "Okay." He swallowed thickly, placing a hand on the casing lightly. "Tony, if you can hear me, I hope this doesn't hurt you." That was all the hesitation he gave before twisting and clicking it out. He peeked in the metal tube bisecting Tony's chest, saw the blue glow from the stone Jarvis had mentioned, and put the arc reactor back in. "I saw it J, it's still there." 

"Is it glowing?" 

"Yes." 

"Then I believe he is still alive." 

"What do I do?" 

"I... am unsure." 

"He's completely unresponsive, it's not like I can ask him for tips." 

_ Jump start! _ Tony screamed in his head. He knew fuck all about the stone in him, but he'd made the latest iteration of the arc reactor to pair with it as best he could. If Rhodey would zap him the arc reactor a little, it would go to the stone instead of his body, and that would give it the jump he needed to, y'know, grow back his body. He'd regrown two toes before using this method, and while it was uncomfortable as all hell, he would trade it in an instant for not being buried in a coffin. 

"That stone has to have power," Rhodey thought aloud, brow crinkling as he tried to figure it out. "If we can figure out how to activate it, maybe it'll take care of the rest by itself. Any ideas?" 

"No, but I don't have sensors where you are. If you could bring him home, I could assist you?" 

"I can't steal him." 

"We already determined that he is most likely alive, and it is hardly kidnapping to bring someone to their own home." 

"I'm going to get in so much trouble if we're wrong," Rhodey said. "So don't prove me wrong Tony. Also Jarvis, you're not allowed to ask me why I already know how to steal a body from the morgue." 

"Understood, Colonel. My virtual lips are sealed." 

Tony panicked a little bit when Rhodey had to cover his face to get him out, but he took it off as soon as he could, apologizing profusely. "I know you wouldn't want to be covered up, but it was kind of necessary so I think you'll learn to forgive me for it." Once out of the building, it was easy for Rhodey to bring him home to the Tower, and then down to the workshop. "Jarvis, can you make sure the bots are asleep? I don't think Tony will want them to see him like this." 

"Taking care of it now Colonel. I will inform you when it is safe to go down." 

"Thanks J." Rhodey leaned against the wall, rubbing at his face tiredly. "Tones," he said in a low voice, "you need to come back. You have to. None of us can do this without you. And before you go misunderstanding that, I mean that we technically could, but we don't want to. Remember that year when I was first deployed and we couldn't email each other or call or  _ anything _ ? I just about went crazy without you. I- we've been friends for so long that I can't imagine living the rest of my life without you. It's different for the Avengers, but I know they feel the same way. So you're not allowed to get my hopes up with this if it's not going to work okay?" He paused, and then, as if Tony really had replied, he said, "Okay, glad that's settled." 

"Colonel? The bots are taking a nap now." 

"Thanks Jarvis." 

The lights were glaringly bright, both in the elevator and in the workshop, which made Tony wish he could close his eyes. Well, eye. Rhodey, cosmos bless that man, asked Jarvis to dim the lights after a minute. It took some finagling, but he got Tony on top of the table so he was in an easier position for Rhodey to see. 

"If I get a dishonorable discharge for this, I- well. That would actually keep pretty well with how our friendship goes." 

_ Then don't get caught _ , Tony thought. Besides, Tony had faith that with Jarvis and Rhodey working together, they'd figure out how to put him back in working condition. It was a strange kind of torture to watch them try and figure it out when he was right there, trying to scream out the answers they were looking for. 

Even without his help, it didn't take long for Rhodey to put it together. He smoothed Tony's hair away from his forehead on the half of his face that was still in one piece. "Tones," Rhodey said, his voice pained, "if this doesn't work and it hurts you, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry man." He plunged the exposed piece of wire to the arc reactor, and a surge of electricity shot through Tony's body. His back arched and he tried to scream as pain lanced through him. Could pain be good? Because that's what it felt like. It hurt-- oh  _ god _ did it hurt-- but his body was piecing itself together, regrowing half of himself and stitching the new pieces to the old, melding them together so there was no noticeable difference between what had been there before the blast and what had come after. 

He panted on the table, an ache so deep and intense in his bones he thought that moving would make him creak like ancient floorboards. "Ow," he said. Understatement of the century, but here he was. 

Rhodey pulled him into a tight hug, tighter than after his parents died, tighter than after Afghanistan, and tighter than once everything had calmed down after the Expo and Tony revealed the true extent of the palladium poisoning. "You had better be back for good Tony. None of us can stand losing you again." 

Tony tried to reassure him that he wasn't planning on going anywhere, but all that came out was a whimper. 

"It's okay Tones. It's okay, I've got you, and like hell am I letting you go into a fight without me there beside you." 

"Rhodey," he croaked. His throat felt raw, and he couldn't raise his voice more than a low whisper. "'m hungry." 

He laughed, and Tony wasn't going to point out that he was definitely crying. "Yep, that's you." Despite Tony trying to rush him along, he took his sweet time. First was getting Tony to sit up, then seeing if he could wiggle his toes. Tony wanted to make several Kill Bill jokes, but when talking took so much effort, his timing was off and it just sounded weird so he gave up after the first two failed jokes. Rhodey managed to find a wheelchair somewhere in the tower, and he brought it down to the workshop, painstakingly getting Tony into it without knocking into anything-- which was a lot harder than it sounded. 

"Jarvis? Are any of the Avengers in the Tower?" 

"Not at present, Colonel. Would you like for me to contact them?" 

Rhodey looked down at Tony. "You want to see the team?" 

"Maybe... just Bucky for now." 

Rhodey nodded, getting his phone out and dialing him. His frown deepened as time passed until he brought his phone down to stare at it. "He didn't pick up. Jarvis? Do you know where he is?" 

"He asked me not to say." 

"Did he say you couldn't tell  _ me _ ?" Tony asked. 

"He said 'the team' which, at the time, did not include you because of your presumed death. However I feel this would be splitting hairs and he would not trust me in the future." 

"I think he'd forgive you if it was with the specific intent of letting him know that I'm alive." There was a pause as Jarvis considered this and Tony thought of something. "Where's my phone?" Hopefully, when Bucky saw his name on the caller ID he'd pick right up, just to see if it was something important even if he didn't think it was Tony. 

"It was in your pocket when you were in the suit. Not even pieces of it left," Rhodey explained. "I don't know if you saw when you were- catatonic, but we have what's left of the suit set aside. I uh," he coughed, "think they're cleaning the blood off it." 

'The blood' was a euphemism for 'little bits of Tony flesh'. Tony appreciated the consideration because if he thought too much about the way his body had exploded, he'd get sick and frankly he didn't think his body could take that sort of abuse right now. "Who's they? You better not have been so blinded by grief that you let Shield have my suit." 

"Negative, sir, it is in my possession. I do not believe it to be salvageable, should I destroy it?" 

"You kidding? It's a symbol of my resurrection, we're keeping it." 

"...Very well sir." 

Rhodey gave him a look that Tony chose to interpret as 'you are wonderful and I love you' instead of what it clearly meant, which was 'this is a bad idea and you will be lucky if Barnes doesn't rip it off the wall and into little bits'. The elevator door opened, and Rhodey wheeled him into the kitchen, grabbing water and a granola bar for him. 

"J, you know I don't want to ask you to do something you're uncomfortable with, so is there a way for me to contact Bucky without compromising his request?" 

"I believe Sergeant Barnes will respond to a call from Captain Rogers." 

Tony was quiet for a moment, and then he said, "Thanks J." He chewed for a long time on his bite of the granola bar, not wanting to choke on it. "I guess we're calling up the team." Cap at the very least, but it didn't seem fair to tell him and no one else. 

"If we put it through the Avengers cards, it would reach Bucky," Rhodey said. 

"That's for emergencies." 

"It's for urgent matters, and I think they would all agree that you being alive is an urgent matter that requires their attention." 

"Mmf." Tony was doubtful that this qualified, so Rhodey rolled his eyes, gave Tony time to finish off his bottle of water, then sent out the call. 

It didn't take long for everyone to show up, yes even Bucky, but it looked like he was only there because Steve had bodily dragged him along. Tony waved weakly when they all stopped to stare in shock. "Tony?" Steve said, voice strangled. 

Bucky, who hadn't looked up and therefore hadn't seen him yet, jerked his head up. It wasn't an exaggeration to say that he looked almost as bad as Tony did-- currently, with his body all pieced together again, not like he had before with the explosion and everything. "Tony?" 

Everyone else seemed struck dumb. 

"Hello everyone. It's me." The words seemed wholly inappropriate for the situation, but what else could he say? 

"It really is him," Rhodey said before anyone could ask him to confirm. "Not a trick or an alien, or shapeshifting. It's just him." He took the opportunity to ruffle Tony's hair because he normally couldn't do that. Tony would bat away his hand if he had the strength, but he didn't, so Rhodey's hand returned to his side unscathed. 

"I think you need to explain," Nat finally said. Her expression was hard, like she was angry, but Tony knew better. She was scared, and when in doubt, act stern. 

Tony loved talking, but he felt a little... well, winded any time he had to talk fast. If he wanted to pretend that he was fine-- which he did-- he wouldn't be able to talk and achieve that. With Rhodey, he'd been able to take his time, stopping to take breaths any time he needed, and Rhodey hadn't pointed any of it out, had just waited patiently for Tony to finish in his own time. It helped that Rhodey was still half-amazed that he was alive, and therefore wouldn't be annoyed with him even if Tony got on live tv and told everyone about what happened their second year at college together over spring break. "It's complicated," he said, hoping beyond hope that that would be enough. 

Unsurprisingly, it wasn't. 

"I don't want to push this too much," Bruce said, "but I think we deserve to know how you're still alive. Because we all saw you in pieces a couple hours ago, and now you're trying to tell us that it's complicated so we shouldn't bother." 

Rhodey didn't want to give away any of Tony's secrets without his permission, but unless they came up with a massive and intricate lie in the next three seconds, that wasn't going to happen. They were backed into a corner explanation-wise, but he still waited for Tony to look at him. There was hope clear in his eyes that Rhodey would handle it, so he nodded, watching the way Tony sagged in relief. He pat him gingerly on the shoulder, not wanting to put too much force behind it just in case his body was sensitive from the whole, y'know, regrowing itself thing. "Tony's an android. Apparently Howard did a few experiments that he didn't tell anyone about way back in the day. He's the same as he's always been, just a little harder to kill than we thought." 

" _ You _ thought, maybe," Clint said. "I read the report on the inception of the Iron Man, and that sort of thing should've killed even Thor. Corpse or not, I think we all should have been a little less believing." 

"You didn't see it," Nat said, voice low. 

There was nothing he could say to that that wouldn't make him a giant asshole, so he kept his mouth shut. Despite what he'd said, the truth was that he'd thought Tony was dead too. How could he not? They'd seen him get in the suit, they'd seen him get hit, they'd seen his body, and they'd seen all the times inbetween. If it hadn't been for the weird healing factor/regrowth thing, he would have been gone, artificial body or no. 

"Okay," Steve said slowly, "so you're an android. How does that work? I saw what was left of the armor after the blast, it looked pretty human to me." 

"I don't understand it either," Tony said. 

"You are not simply an android," Thor said. He had a curious look on his face, the sort of look he got when he knew something about 'the realms' that the rest of them didn't. "I thought you seemed familiar." 

"Uh hate to break it to you Thunder Thighs, but I've only been around as long as everyone else knows." 

He shook his head. "Not that. You have the same feeling as the infinity stones. I have only been around one, but Heimdall says they all resonate at the same frequency." 

Tony blinked. Then blinked again. "I'm really tired Thor. Would you mind laying this out like I'm an idiot?" 

"You have one of them inside of you." 

"What." 

"You are a being...  _ made _ from the infinity stone. It does not simply keep you alive, it created you." 

"That's even worse." He kind of wanted a drink, but more than that he wanted to pass out on his bed-- preferably with Bucky holding him, but he was willing to make some compromises-- and sleep for the next three days. He looked to Bucky for his reaction, not even attempting to hide where he was looking. 

Bucky had been looking at him, but when Tony caught his eye, he looked away. 

If he let Bucky walk away, he wouldn't be able to drag him out to have a conversation. Or to kiss. But at the moment talking was probably more important. "Hey guys? Can you give me and Bucky the room?" What do you know, having a near death experience made him even more bold. It wasn't necessarily in the classification of 'near death' but he didn't care. For all intents and purposes for Tony personally, it was a near death experience, and he was going to treat it at such. 

There was a collective pause as everyone processed what he was saying and were in complete disbelief about it. "Alright guys, you heard him," Rhodey said, patting Tony's shoulder again. He took out his phone and put it on the table, not even a centimeter from Tony's hand. He shooed the rest of them out and had Jarvis erect a temporary wall so they had some privacy. 

Bucky hadn't moved from where he was standing before, and he still wasn't looking at Tony. 

They set there in silence for a long, uncomfortable moment. The clock on the microwave flipped to the next minute, and Tony's eyes glanced at the motion automatically. "I'm sorry you thought I was dead," Tony said for lack of a better ice breaker. "If it helps, I thought I was in some sort of limbo for a while there." He thought of the way Bucky had screamed when he thought Tony was dead, and swallowed thickly. 

"Doesn't really help," he mumbled. 

Tony didn't shrug, but the emotion was there. He tried his best for that, and it didn't pan out. Unfortunate, but also not anything new. "Sorry." 

"Don't apologize. Not your fault someone tried to kill you." Bucky rubbed at his mouth with a hand. "We're going to have to tell the press that you're alive. The situation was too public, everyone knew something had happened to you, and when we didn't go to a regular hospital, they put it together." 

"Yeah well. Worse things have happened." 

"Have they?" 

Probably not, so he didn't say anything. 

"Do you have programming?" Bucky blurted. 

"What? I'm not a robot," Tony said, frowning. 

"So... everything you did. You wanted to do that." 

Tony's confusion cleared in the blink of an eye. Bucky was worried that Tony hadn't chosen to be with him, that he'd been forced in some way. "Yeah. I'm still me, Bucky. Hell, I don't even know what this android bullshit does for me." 

Bucky crept towards him. "So you and I..." 

"Are still one hundred percent good if me not being entirely human doesn't bother you." 

"It doesn't," he said immediately. 

Tony raised an eyebrow, but only a twitch because apparently that took more energy than he thought. "You seem awfully sure about that." 

"I love you. That didn't change just because I thought you died, and it's sure as hell not going to change now that you're alive."

"Does that mean you're going to hold me while I pass out?" 

"Why are you passing out?" he asked, looking alarmed. 

"I'm tired." 

"You're not allowed to scare me like that," Bucky said, pursing his lips. "But yes, I will hold you while you  _ sleep _ ." He emphasized sleep like he could change Tony's mind that easily. 

As he moved to Tony's side and ran gentle fingers through his hair, Tony was inclined to agree. He'd agree to pretty much anything Bucky asked right now, and he wouldn't even regret it in the morning. He turned his face into Bucky stomach, delighting in the little squish his nose made against Bucky's abs. "They ruined my suit." 

"We caught him. Don't worry Tony, they're locked up so tight they can't even  _ dream _ of getting out." 

"Did he hurt any of you?" 

"Hurting you was more than enough, don't you think?" 

"Hmm." 

"Don't do that to me again," he said softly. 

"Don't worry," Tony said, bringing up a hand to pat clumsily at Bucky's hip, "I won't." He would-- pardon the joke-- rather die.


End file.
